OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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