she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
