So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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