I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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