you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
