Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
