if only i could text you this smell
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
