he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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