careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
