Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
