this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
