I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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