Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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