my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
