Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize