They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize