Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
