My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
