I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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