I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
