The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize