did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
