Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
