I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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