I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
