Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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