Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
