if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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