My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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