Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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