Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
