I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
