So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
