you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
