I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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