1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
