Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
