yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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