I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
