history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize