Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
