Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
