Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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