if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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