are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
