i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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