We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize