We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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