The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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