We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
