I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
