True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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