This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
