I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
