I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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