my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
