OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
