tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Randomize
