I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
