i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I got inside last night via doggy door
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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