Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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